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THE PATIENCE METER

Certified Bureau of Patience Assessment. Est. 2026. Permission has not been granted at any point in recorded history.

About the Bureau

The Bureau exists to measure how much patience a visitor is willing to expend clicking a button in the hope that a small green zone will, eventually, mean something. It does not.

The Proximity Protocol

Every click is timed against the meter and assigned a proximity percentage, sometimes a very high one. This number is displayed prominently and has no bearing whatsoever on the outcome, which is decided in advance.

On the Patience Index

The Index begins at 100 and only ever decreases, in keeping with the Bureau's founding position that patience, like a good coat, is not something you get back once spent.

Recalibration

When the Index reaches zero, visitors may request recalibration, which resets the number without addressing anything else. This has always been considered sufficient.

Standing Policy

The Bureau does not currently grant permission, has not historically granted permission, and has scheduled no review of this practice. It appreciates your continued standing by.